Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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