Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
