am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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