I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
