I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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