There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
