I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
