Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
