i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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