Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
