Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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