its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
