You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
