Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Alive.
So much puke
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
