literally had 100 drinks last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
