you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
