her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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