It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
