Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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