I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
