even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
