I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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