ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, beer. Big fan.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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