dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
