You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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