Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
