Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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