Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
