You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
