I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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