I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
