smell my finger.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
