she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
