she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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