I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize