if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
