I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
