Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
