Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize