The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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