quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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