I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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