Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
