ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
