oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
