I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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