Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
