his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Will exercising make me less horny?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
