thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
