And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
