Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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