i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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