It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
someone owes me an orgasm
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
