I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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