Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
