Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
