There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
