The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
