Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
