Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
