dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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