After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
