True but thats because hes a fetus.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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