Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
