"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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