I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
