So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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