ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I looked at my own cervix.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
