I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
