When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
