So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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