I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
