so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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