We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
