May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
