Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
