i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
